Tours are designed to be lovely — the lobby fireplace, the activities calendar, lunch. All real, and all beside the point. What determines your parent's daily life is what happens at 2 a.m. on a Saturday. These are the ten questions we ask on every tour we attend with families.
- 1. What is the staff-to-resident ratio overnight and on weekends? The daytime tour is staffed for the tour. Nights are the truth.
- 2. How long has your current leadership been here — and what's your caregiver turnover? Revolving staff means your parent is always being cared for by strangers.
- 3. Exactly what triggers a care-level price increase, and by how much? Get the care-charge tiers in writing. This is where a $5,000 community becomes a $6,400 one.
- 4. What is your move-out and refund policy? Ask before you need it — notice periods, community-fee refunds, what happens if it isn't working.
- 5. Walk me through how you handled your last fall. Not the policy — the last actual incident. Who was called, how fast, what changed after.
- 6. What would cause you to ask a resident to leave? Every community has limits; you want them stated now, not discovered at a care conference.
- 7. Can we eat lunch here today? Food is quality of life. Eat the actual food, unannounced if possible.
- 8. What did residents do yesterday — really? Ask a resident, not the calendar. The gap between the printed schedule and the actual afternoon tells you everything.
- 9. How do you communicate with families when something changes? A call the same day? A portal? A pattern of "we didn't want to worry you"?
- 10. What happens if the money runs low after years here? Some communities work with residents who transition toward Medicaid programs; most don't. Better to know on day one.
Asking these mid-tour can feel confrontational — which is exactly why families skip them, and exactly why we come along and ask them for you. Two more tips from the field: tour your top choice a second time unannounced, and debrief in the parking lot while it's fresh. The gut reaction fades by dinner.